Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
