A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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