also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize