did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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