youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
