im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize