I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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