either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
