Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
