I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
