you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
