in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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