soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
