I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
