I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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