I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My feet surprised me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
