I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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