Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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