im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
