11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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