My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize