dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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