There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
