Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
