hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
