my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
