apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize