he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
