We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize