we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
