Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
