doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
