is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
