We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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