Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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