A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
