She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
