I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
