the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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