Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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