ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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