I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize