Little spoons don't ask big questions
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
