What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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