Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
