I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
