i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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