Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
