i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
