dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i need some magic done to my vagina
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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