I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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