Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
