I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
