I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
