wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
