over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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