My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
