she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
