Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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