It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
