Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Jerry, you need to find god
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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