Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The ass gains better be worth it
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