So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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