if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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