How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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