I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
