Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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