I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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