So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
