you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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