you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
