i jhust puked up my retainher.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
