i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
