Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize