By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
