If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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