I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck me I smell like cheese
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
