are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
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