I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
