I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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