my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize