I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
