just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
