I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
