I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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