also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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