Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
