dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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