His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize