listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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