That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
