I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
