Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
