Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
