A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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