Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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