Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
