Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
