I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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