How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
