So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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