all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So vagazzling was a success
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
