if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
