Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize