Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
