My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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