Your dad touched me again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
