yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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